Miss Eula's
by hollybridgetpeppermint
Summary: I'm cowriting this with the same friend who helped me with 3... If you like the idea of Holly trying valiantly and sometimes failing badly to make her way aboveground without accidentally giving away the whole fairy civilization in the process, you will


"Artemis?" Artemis groaned and turned over so his face was in the pillow. "Artemis... Artemis!"

"What?"

"It's morning."

"So?" Artemis looked up. He thought he saw...he did! Oh no! "Holly! What are you doing here?"

"You told me to come by this morning." I feigned confusion. "Am I too early?"

"Yes! I am not ready! I am in my pajamas! You are never supposed to see me in my pajamas! No girl is!'

"Get a hold of yourself. You sound like you're 14."

"I am!"

"Yes, but the great and mighty Artemis Fowl doesn't act like he's 14."

"The great and mighty Artemis Fowl told you to be here at 8:30! It's only 7:00!"

"Lower Elements time is different-"

"GET OUT!"

I knew I could prolong his agony no longer and left. Besides he seemed mad enough to do something stupid. Like try and beat me. Lower Elements time wasn't really different. I had just wanted to see him when he was disoriented. He spent maybe 30 minutes getting ready and I could hear him cursing loudly. Personally, I didn't blame him. I know I'd never want to be gazed at in my nightwear. For goodness sakes, I sleep in an oversized sweatshirt! Then again he didn't look so pleasent come early morning. His hair was messy enough for three years without a hairbrush, his pajamas were rumpled and only three buttons remained buttoned. And I'm not sure, but I think I saw him drooling.

"Holly?" Artemis' muffled voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Yes?"

"Could you leave?"

"Well, I'm here already. Why don't you just tell me now instead of waiting the extra hour?"

"It's not that. I missed my shower last night and there's no way I'm parading down the hall with you around."

"Oh, fine." But, I wasn't giving up that easily. I sheilded. Artemis walked out in a robe. I backed away soundlessly. He looked around carefully inspecting the hall. When he seemed satisfied he walked off down the hall. I reappeared and took the oppurtunity to raid his bedroom. Nothing in his closet. Not much in his dresser. Finally, a jackpot under the bed. His laptop, a box of letters, a journal, about 50 pairs of shoes...Wait a minute! A journal! Yes! I cracked it open. He had an entry for every day. He hated Root, he thought Butler took it too rough on some people, and he adored Jennifer.

"What?" I couldn't help screaming and was immediatly sorry I did. I could hear Artemis padding down the hallway. I thought fast and jumped out the window after stuffing the journal back under his bed. I slid down the roof and landed rather roughly on the grass. I ran to the front porch and had just gotten settled on a bench when the front porch when Artemis opened the front door.

"Did you hear something a minute ago?"

"Of course not! Now what was the important message?"

**Chapter 2: **

"Okay, what was the important message?" said Holly.

"The important message," Artemis told her, "was that you'd be staying at Fowl Manor for a while."

"WHAT!"

"I meant what I said."

"WHY?"

"Because," he said calmly, "your Council wants to study the humans. You'll be masking as a human and going to school and things like that. This is a perfect time to do it, since my parents aren't here."

"But—but…" she sputtered. "Why couldn't they tell me themselves?"  
"I don't know," he said. "Let's get them on video conferencing and ask."

Holly agreed, and they did so. Commander Root and Foaly came on.

"What is it?" growled Root, chewing, as usual, on a fungus cigar.

"Holly wondered why it is you couldn't tell her about the plan yourself," Artemis told him smoothly.

"Because we thought it might come as less of a shock if you told her. Plus, this way she can't object as easily; she's already there," said Foaly.

"Oh," said Holly. She thought the matter over for a moment, then thought of something. "Isn't your school a boys' school?" she asked Artemis.

"Yes," said Artemis, a frown furrowing his brow. "Commander?"

Commander Root looked at Holly. "You're not going to like this…"

Holly looked suspicious. "What?"

"Since Saint Bartleby's is a boys' school, we're sending you to its partner school, Miss Eula's Academy for Young Ladies."

Holly groaned. "Even the name sounds all stiff and formal. We'll probably have to dance, and curtsy, and sew…" A look of mingled horror and fear crossed her face suddenly. "And wear _dresses_!" she said.

Everyone burst out laughing at this. Holly glared. "_I_ don't think it's funny," she said.

"Sorry—Holly," gasped Foaly through fits of mirth. "I—that—was just—so—funny."

Artemis, of course, was the first to compose himself. He waited until everyone else had calmed, then began the conversation again. "All right, so…"

He was interrupted by a beep from his computer. "Excuse me," he said, and went over to it. A minute passed while he looked at it. He finally said, "I have an e-mail I think is important to the plan." He cleared his throat and read aloud:  
"To Artemis:

I waited until the last minute to tell you, just in case. Saint Bartleby's is going to be closed for renovations for the next few months. We're not quite sure yet of the exact date, so we'll let you know.

Sincerely,

Dr. Guiney"

There was a silence. Then a big grin split Holly's face. "YES!" she shouted. "YES!" She got up and grabbed Artemis by the hands. Then she spun around, really fast, dragging a bewildered Artemis behind her. "YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she shrieked. Suddenly she stopped in mid-spin. Her face went red. "Um…I, uh…." she stammered, letting go of Artemis so that he fell on the bed, his head spinning. "Uh, sorry, I, um….I…well, I couldn't really spin them around, they were on video conference, and, well…..I had to spin someone around….I was so happy…..um, sorry..." She trailed off, her face getting redder by the minute. Commander Root and Foaly stared.

"Well!" said Foaly after a minute. Commander Root nodded his fervent agreement.

After a very long and awkward debriefing, it was decided that both Holly nd Artemis would go to Powhatan Middle School. It was better this way, Foaly said, because now Artemis could assist Holly with being inconspicuous. So Holly moved her things into Fowl Manor, making sure to get rid of every portrait within a five foot radius of her room.

In no time at all it was time for the first day and Holly was irritable.

"What's wrong?"

"This whole infuriating assignment! I can't believe I have to pretend to be human! I don't even look like one!"

"Yeah, about that… Foaly invented a way around it." Artemis held up a lime green belt. "When you wear this it will change your appearance to that of a normal teenager."

"What about you?" Holly scoffed, "You hardly look normal!"

"At least _I'm_ not three feet tall. Anyway, Foaly seems to agree with you. I have a watch that functions the same way. The devices morph our form so you won't have to worry about someone sticking a hand through your head."

"That sounds pleasant. Alright, fine. What, dare I ask is my name?"

"Piper Morrelis."

"What!-"

"You'll be late."

Holly left to get dressed, grumbling all the way. Instead of getting quieter as she went she got louder so he could hear her protest from the other side of the house.She came back in human form. Oddly enough, Artemis didn't say anything.

"What no insult? I hate this human form. How can you people stand it?" Holly(in her human form) had long red hair up in two buns, bitingly green eyes, was really tall, and by human standards moderatly attractive.

Artemis finally found words,"I thinkFoaly is basing his 'normal' standards by magazines and television."

"Yeah, no kidding. Well, what are you waiting for? Activate your watch-thing." Atremis sighed and pressed random buttons. He morphed slowlly, so that you couldn't tell what he'd look like until he was done. He had brown spiky hair with blonde tips, brown eyes, was medium height and his usual smirk seemed well placed in this form. Holly was full ready with a remark,"You look like a hedgehog."

"Shut up. The bus is here." They went out and got on.

"Urgh," said Holly. "What a jerk." They had just passed a boy who was--well, being a jerk. He and his friends were making fun of someone. She suddenly turned back. "Humph, I'll fix him!" She ran back down the hall.

Artemis raced after her. "Hol--I mean Piper! Piper! Come back here!" She paid no attention, but came after the boy. Artemis sighed and ran after her.

"Hey! Stop it!" Holly shrieked. The boy paid her no attention and kept taunting the girl. "Hey, you! You, Mud Boy!" This finally made him look up.

"What did you just call me?" he said, looking at her suspiciously.

"I called you a Mud Boy! Nothing offensive in th--" She broke off as she realized what she'd said. "Look, Mud Boy...you can't tease this girl!"

"Why did you call me a Mud Boy?"

"What do you think?"

"Are you implying that I like mud or something?" he said threateningly. His friends gathered round, obviously hoping for a fight between him and this boy walking around with the strange girl.

"No," said Holly. "And that doesn't make sense. If you had any brains, you'd know that. Now then, you can't make fun of her!" She gestured toward the girl who was getting picked on.

"Oh, can't I?" sneered the boy.

"No, you can't!"

"Watch me." He looked at this girl, but before he could say anything, Holly interrupted.

"Oh no you don't!" she shrieked. Then, before Artemis could stop her, she pulled out a Neutrino and pointed it at him. "Say that again!"

"Holly," Artemis hissed in her ear. "You're not supposed to have that."

"I--I--" stuttered the boy, confused. "You can't have a gun. It's not allowed."

"Yeah, it's not a real gun," she said. "Just a toy. But you know what I'll do if you don't stop?"  
"What?" he said. He seemed more confident now that she'd told him the gun wasn't real.

"I will punch you in the nose."

"Yeah, right...sure." He snorted, and turned back to the girl. Holly stepped up to him and punched him--hard. He fell over backwards, and yelled as he hit the hard floor.

"Owwww!" He looked at her, amazed. "Hey...she's pretty good at this."

"Hmph," said Holly. "Now...come on," she said to the girl. With a grateful look on her face, this girl took Holly's extended hand, and Holly pulled her out of the crowd, which parted to let them through.

"Thanks," she said, once they were out of earshot of the rest. "My name's Andrea. What's yours?"

"Ho--um, Piper," said Holly. Artemis looked warningly at her, but she recklessly continued. "I'm from...well, I'm originally from here, then we moved away. My parents died recently, so I came back here to live with my...umm..."

"Cousin," Artemis interrupted firmly.

"Yeah...my cousin...yeah," said Holly.

"Now," Artemis said, "if you could just excuse us. We need to get to class."

"Um...okay. Bye, Piper," the girl said uncertainly. Artemis took Holly's arm and steered her away. Andrea looked after them, then after a minute, shrugged and turned away. Once she was sure they wouldn't be heard, Holly looked at Artemis.

"What was that for?" she hissed through clenched teeth. Artemis shrugged.

"You were telling her too much. When you invent aliases, you need to make them sound as simple and realistic as possible. Don't let your imagination run away with you. If you do, you're likely to get into trouble later, because you can't remember what you said."

"And you know this because...?"

"That's beside the point."

Holly snorted, but said nothing. They walked on in silence. After a minute, Artemis pulled out a piece of paper and checked it, then turned to Holly.

"Okay. You go to room 154, for English. Meet me back here after this class."

Holly looked at him. "You mean we don't have the same classes?"

He smirked. "Of course not. Go on. See you later." He turned off, and Holly walked into the room labeled 154, in large white letters on the door. She was instantly greeted by a large man in overalls glaring at her.

"Just who are you, missy?" He had a hick accent and Holly could tell right away she wouldn't like him.

"I'm Piper Morrelis. Who are you?"

"None of your business, but since you asked. My name is Herbert P. Gilligan."

"Okay...Do I have to say the whole name?"

"What, did you just touch down from planet mars? No, you call me Mr. Gilligan. Or sir."

"Ookay, Mr. Gilligan will do." She sat down at a seat in the front. Everyone was staring at her. Apparently, they had all been at rapped attention while she had been talking. She ignored them and tried to pay attention.

By the end of the lesson, she had a very good sense of British Literature, but no idea why the subject was called English. She ran into Artemis in the Hallway.

"Please say my next teacher is nothing like Mr. Gilligan. He made no sense and has an attention span smaller than my pencil."

"How am I supposed to know," Artemis said from behind some book. "I'm as new as you are. We have the next class together. Art."

"Oh, well. At least I'm good at this one."

Artemis grabbed her by the hand and pulled her down the hall, still immersed in the book. Holly had to ask.

"What's with the book?" she said curiously. "What book is it anyway?"

"The math book."

"Why are you reading it? Like it?"

"No. I'm checking it for mistakes. I've found 72 already, and I'm only on page 16."

Holly sighed and rolled her eyes. "I should have known. What--" She was interrupted by a diversion in the form of the boy who'd been making fun of Andrea earlier blocking their way.

"Hey, babe," he said, coming up to Holly. Holly stared, a mixture of disgust and confusion on her face.

"_You_ are calling _me_ babe."

"Yeah, sweetheart."

"That makes less sense than Mud Boy, and that's saying something."

"Hey," he said, ignoring this. "You wanna be my girlfriend?"  
"WHAT!"

"I said--"

"I know perfectly well what you said, and I don't wish to hear it repeated!" said Holly, looking insulted. When the boy didn't move, she pushed past him and started to go into the class. Halfway through the door, she realized that Artemis was not with her. She turned back. He and the other boy were looking at each other threateningly. Holly groaned, rolled her eyes, and went back. Just as she got up to them, the other boy sneered.

"And just who are _you_?" he asked Artemis. Artemis looked at him, scorn written all over his features.

"_I_ am her cousin, and you'd just better stay away from her, or you'll be in trouble."

The boy snorted. Then he suddenly saw the funny side of this, and went into spasms of laughter. Artemis, however, did not seem to think it was funny, and looked at the other boy as if he was a slimy worm.

"Just what, may I ask, is _your_ name?" Artemis said scathingly. The boy stopped laughing, and got a sneer back on his face.

"Adam Fergusson, why?" he said.

"So I can alter your grades to a 0.2 GPA."

"Yeah, right. How do you propose to do that?"

"Excuse me," said Artemis. "You seem to have missed one very important fact."

"And what might that be?"

"The fact that _I_ am a genius."

Adam snorted again. "Sure, whatever. So, then, what's your name?"

Artemis froze. He'd forgotten to think up an alias. "Ah...Kyle. Kyle Morrelis."

Adam looked him up and down, then snorted once more and pushed past him. Artemis looked after him, about to make a sarcastic remark, then thought better of it and marched into art class. Holly followed him.

"Why didn't you tell me your name was Kyle?" she whispered.

"Shhh."

Just then, the teacher seemed to notice that there were two new students in the classroom. "Ah yes," she said, in a high voice. She had blond hair, long fingernails painted pink, false eyelashes, and way too much makeup. Holly looked at her, obviously shocked and repulsed by this teacher. "Our new students, Piper and...hmmm. What's your name? It doesn't say."

"My name is Kyle," Artemis told her.

"Oh. All right then. Are you brother and sister?" Holly made a very audible noise of disgust. Artemis shushed her.

"No," he said, turning back to the teacher. "We're cousins."

"Oh, how nice. Why don't you come sit over here?" she said, gesturing to two seats right in front of her desk. Holly wrinkled her nose, but sat down. Artemis sat, too. Suddenly, the teacher gave an exclamation.

"Oh! I almost forgot! My name is Miss Barnes."

"All right, thank you," Artemis told her icily.

"Now then," Miss Barnes said to the class. "Today, we will be continuing our project on still lifes. Take out your pencils, please, and begin." She went to her desk, took out paper and a pencil, sat down, and began to write, not taking her eyes off her paper for a moment.

"'Continuing our project on still lifes,'" said a voice behind Holly. Holly jumped and turned to look at who had spoken. It was Andrea. She was grinning. "Just like we've been doing the whole year. She can't take her eyes off her love letters long enough to notice that we're all done."

"Andrea!" said Holly, obviously happy to find someone she knew. "What do you mean, love letters?"

Andrea got a mischievous smile on her face. "She's writing letters to her fiancee. His name is Billy."

"How do you know?"

"Oh, everyone knows that," Andrea said with a shrug. "The whole school knows. If she gets into the letters enough, she starts reading what she wrote out loud."

Holly giggled. "You're kidding."

"Nope. I heard her myself. Just a couple weeks ago. Of course, that doesn't happen often. Only if we're lucky. Do you know--"

Holly never got to find out what she was going to be asked, because just then she heard Miss Barnes' voice. Thinking she was talking to the class, Holly stopped to listen.

"She's reading the love letter," Andrea hissed. "Shhh..."

Miss Barnes was, indeed, reading the love letter. She didn't seem to notice that the whole class had gone silent, except for occasional whispers or giggles at what she said.

"...and so, adieu for now, my dearest. Love, your own, Alice." She frowned and pursed her lips critically. "Hmmm...I guess that'll do." She folded it, put in in an envelope, and spent another minute writing the address. Then she turned to the class. "All right. Have we been working hard?" She smiled vaguely at them, as though she thought she should remember something about them but didn't know what. "Oh, good. All right, class dismissed."


End file.
